Engagement is a request by a Unitarian man to a Unitarian woman, or through her guardian, for consent to enter into a legitimate marriage. In principle, it is a promise of consent that expresses mutual satisfaction and acceptance of the other partner; it is considered a preamble and a preliminary period for the marriage contract, which is one of the most serious of all contracts as it involves human life and destiny. Article 26 of the Personal Status Law for the Druze community states: Each of the suitor and the fiancée may withdraw from the engagement without being liable for anything. Regarding engagement gifts, if the withdrawal is by the suitor, he is not permitted to recover anything he provided to the fiancée, whether it remains at the time of his withdrawal or not. If the withdrawal is by the fiancée, she must return everything the suitor provided; if it still exists, she returns it specifically, and if it has perished by the time of her withdrawal, she returns its equivalent or its value, unless there is a condition between them, which shall then be followed.
It is not permissible for a man to propose to a woman already engaged to someone else, according to the Prophet's saying (peace be upon him): "A believer is the brother of a believer; it is not lawful for a believer to outbid his brother, nor to propose to a woman already engaged to his brother until he leaves her."
We know that in these days, engagements often occur as a result of acquaintance between a young woman and man who have met at university, a club, or at any social occasion or family visit. Engagement occurs after they have spent time together, long conversations, and exchanges of ideas, and once both are convinced of each other. They then begin going on trips, attending parties, and social events together. We see today many actions performed by families that are not approved by reason or religion, as they have misunderstood the concept of engagement.
How many engagements have been broken after being made, leading to estrangement between the parties? The greatest loss falls on the woman, as a broken engagement constitutes a setback for her, often accompanied by a long wait for a replacement for the first suitor. Mixing and accompanying the latter reflect negatively on the woman's situation, as young men may refrain from proposing to her because of her first engagement, especially since a young man desires a woman who has not gone out with anyone or been involved with anyone else. Her unfortunate luck sometimes leads her to despair and withdrawal, or sometimes to rebellion and unconventional paths to compensate for the great hopes she lost or as revenge against a society that shows no mercy.
The custodians of the Unitarian doctrine wanted to prevent bad results through correct foundations to preserve the dignity of the Unitarian believing woman and safeguard the Unitarian man. This led them to follow a method of acquaintance between the genders that may appear strange compared to what we see today.
Based on the fact that the marriage contract is one of the most important and exalted named contracts, and that a living, speaking human is the noblest of creatures and the goal of God Almighty in existence, Unitarians considered it a necessary duty before marriage for trusted Unitarians to inform the suitor about the fiancée's religious state, intellect, worldly status, physical health, origin, morals, etc. Likewise, they inform the fiancée about the suitor's status in all religious and worldly affairs, his morals, his poverty or wealth, and his lineage, etc.
It is also required of those entrusted with the task to convey the status of both parties with complete accuracy, honesty, and sincerity, without exaggeration in praise or criticism.
We note that if the engagement happens between the two parties in the manner mentioned above, without mixing, trips, and parties, and is then broken for some reason, it does not affect the fiancée's reputation or her social standing.
What we have mentioned may seem strange to what is familiar in our present days, yet pious Unitarians continue to follow this path and preserve those traditions that distance them from doubts and places of accusation. Others, however, who cannot bear the strictness of the conditions, apply what they see as appropriate in all matters related to marriage, deviating from the limits drawn by the doctrine.
It has also become customary these days to proceed with a legitimate marriage contract between the suitor and the fiancée a long time before the wedding date is decided. This contradicts the customs and practices followed, because the fiancée is not lawful to the suitor except by performing the legal marriage contract that meets all legal conditions, and consequently moving to the marital home.
So how can we reconcile today the preservation of Unitarian principles, virtues, and customs with the development of civilization and its problems?
I say to my Unitarian children what was stated in the noble Hadith: "The man is a guardian over his household and is responsible for them, and the woman is a guardian over her husband's house and his children and is responsible for them... Surely, all of you are guardians and all of you are responsible for those under your care."
